Sunday, August 07, 2005

What do you think the world would be like if we all stopped doing what we "SHOULD" do?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Standing in a circle of quiet

I just read somebody's blog. And I am jealous. Pictures of the family, laughing, happy, enjoying life. Stories of vacation and communion with friends. JEALOUS. OH, God. Here is not the place to talk about this, I am sure. But it makes my heart sick that that is not my life.

I ask "what's wrong with me? Why am I not worth pictures, or laughter or vacation or joyful times?" But that is not profitable questioning. It's not my life. Ok. That's ok, because I have done what I can. And part of that "doing what I can" is giving myself permission to say here, I'm jealous. My first instinct is to hole up and hide away. I may feel different in the morning. I may not. God is still God, my kids are still wonderful and I am still a work in progress but I will not succumb to the loss or the jealousy and I will not hide the pain anymore.

I may quit reading blogs, though.